Finding Balance: some thoughts on setting boundaries in a digitally demanding world.

The conversation around smartphones in schools has taken a turn in the last couple of weeks and for the first time it looks like there will be meaningful change as the government moves to write England’s school phone ban into law. This is a shift from the government’s decision last year to leave it to individual schools to interpret the “guidance” on phone use in schools. The reality of what this means is that it will give children ring-fenced, screen-free time during the school day which strikes me as something we could all benefit from. 

Photo credit Maxim Ilyahov

The debate rages on about social media and whether or not this should be banned for under 16s and yet it feels like the addictive quality of the device itself is often overlooked as well as how rare it is for us, as adults, to have prolonged periods of time away from our phones. We live in a time of constant, unending communication; emails, WhatsApp groups, app notifications - and I don’t know about you but if my phone isn’t vibrating or pinging with any of these things I am impulsively reaching for it to check if I’ve missed something. 

I recently watched Love Story - Disney+’s drama about JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bessette (I thought wonderful 90s nostalgia for the first half then it gets quite dreary). There is a scene where Jackie Kennedy is taken ill just as John is getting on a plane and you know that he is going to be COMPLETELY UNCONTACTABLE until he arrives at his destination. The concept of this feels wild compared to what that would look like in 2026 and the simplicity of this really struck me. That when you are travelling - be it to work, school, on holiday - that is all you are doing. Maybe you read a book, maybe you just sit and look out the window, maybe you listen to some music. The pace is so much slower, it allows you space. It was that lost sense of space that I envied in that scene.

Burnout is a term we are all familiar with and that many people may have experienced to varying degrees - our phones have a large part to play in this. The onus often seems to be put on the struggling individual - the implication being that we should be able to manage our work load better, have a better work/life balance, be present for our families whilst excelling professionally. However, on top of all this is the requirement and expectation to be constantly contactable and responsive - it is exhausting and really difficult to step back from. Digital burnout is woefully overlooked. 

So if we are giving our children back the school day, I would propose we do something for ourselves. In counselling we talk a lot about boundaries - your own personal and emotional boundaries can only be implemented by you and they are yours to hold. What boundaries might you need to put in place to create a bit more space and time in your life?