How do you feel about money?

Money affects every single one of us on a daily basis but is something that many of us find incredibly difficult to talk about to the point that it is often completely avoided. Between couples the reality often is that we only talk about money when something goes wrong which is why we commonly have negative associations with these types of conversations. Our own financial backgrounds will of course have an impact on our current relationship with money; also how our parents modelled their own discussions around money. Think about it - were you ever taught how to talk about money, either to yourself or to other people? For a lot of people thinking about financial goals, investing, pensions can feel overwhelming and anxiety inducing. Often, financial stress can mean that we end up focussing on the smaller, day-to-day expenses or budgeting rather than the bugger picture of what we want our financial life to look like and how we might go about making that happen.

Have you ever asked yourself the question - how do I feel about money? Consider for a second, it can be difficult - scared? anxious? resentful? If you're in a relationship have you ever tried to share this with your partner? Or asked how they themselves might feel about money? Because all those feelings will be in the room whether you are able to articulate them or not. There seems to be a resistance to connecting money with emotions - instead we go to the numbers, talk about budgeting or argue over how much our partner spent in Pret last month.

Money carries so much unconscious weight. Psychodynamic theory spends a lot of time examining the role of the subconscious and how it plays out in our current lives. Hint - money rarely means just money. The chances are it also has a symbolic meaning for you - of love, security, worth, control. Our defence mechanisms can easily be triggered around these conversations which is why it can be so easy to avoid. Avoidance itself is a defence mechanism! As is denial - "I don't think about money"; rationalisation - "I just don't see the point in saving right now. Interest rates make it basically impossible."

If any of this sounds familiar then it may be helpful to ask yourself a couple of questions:

• What was money like growing up in your family?

• What do you think you deserve financially?

Because wouldn't it be great to reframe conversations around money? To see it as an opportunity for something exciting rather than something to be avoided? Like many things this takes work and practice but it starts with being honest with ourselves about our own financial context and acknowledging the emotions that we bring to the conversation.